NURSE'S WAYS

February 22, 1993

I learned a lot in five short days
About "bein' up" on nurse’s ways
No use of havin’ clothes aroun':
They'll dress you up in a special gown.
The thing goes on with back in front,
Which you cannot fasten however you grunt.
It never comes down as far as your knees,
And on the back side there’s always a breeze

They lay you down on a crooked bed,
And ask all about what shouldn’t be said:
Sickness, surgeries, kidneys, bowels
An’ they never blush! Those cool little gals!
You lie half the night, ‘bout halfway ill
But when you’re asleep, here comes the pill
It knocks you cold 'til half past five
When she walks back in saying, "Look Alive!"

She says, “I’ve come to give you a shave!"
I think, “That’s nice, so I'll behave.”
I get all ready to look my best,
But the next thing I know I’m half undressed
An’ the thing that’s worst at for me to abide
Is her shavin’ that cheek on my bare back side!
She gets me ready for a ride down the hall
To a room where MEDICS ARE WALL TO WALL!

They stick a needle in my left forearm
And I'm on a "high" that works like a charm,
In a couple of hours that seems like a week
I know fer sure why she shaved that cheek
I ask fer a pill, but she says, "Not a chance!
Just pull I up that sheet where there ain’t no pants”!
And then without any great slight of hand,
She sends me back to "NEVER, NEVER LAND"!

The day goes by without much talk
But early next day I take my first walk
"Oh, my achin' behind," I say,
But their ain’t no use; she'll have her way!
Well, things git better as the week goes along,
An’ I see by now she's where she belongs.
She smiles and brings good things to the room,
Like "git -well" cards end arms full o’ blooms.

She laughs and talks and tells good jokes -
As well as must of us cowpokes;
But, oh! Good Grief! What a dirty crack
When she sends us home saying, "Hurry back!"
I learned to love that mean old nurse,
Although she could make a preacher curse;
But now I look toward better days
Mostly because of "NURSE'S WAYS"